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Listeners, are you cold? Just a little bit? Feel a thin chill on your skin?

Maybe you’ve wrapped your arms over each other, and you’re rubbing them softly but vigorously?

You’re so cold!

And now you’ve pulled your arms entirely into your shirt, trying to maximize the body heat of skin contact. You’ve pulled in your arms, and you’re rocking your body forward and back…

What about your ears and nose? So very, very cold!

Ask a friend to borrow a sweater, try that. Go on!

No one’s around! Uh-oh! You don’t actually know a single person, do you?

Your life may be a total lie.

Well, at best a fever dream.

Or someone else’s night terror.

That’s probably it.

You’re very cold.

And no one to help you. Or hear you.

Look around. All gray, windowless walls, right?

Not even a door.

How much air do you have left? How are you even breathing?

There can’t be much air left.

This message brought to you by Best Buy.

Best Buy. Conserve your oxygen!

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

(via nightvalequotes)

amydoesthings:

cumslayer:

cumslayer:

So I went on a date today and we went to a nice restaurant before going to the movies and I ordered the “iced grape popsicles” for dessert because I love grape Popsicles so why not right?…..so the waiter brings out the “iced grape popsicles” aND THEY WERE LITERALLY 3 FROZEN GRAPES ON STICKS…..I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE OFFENDED IN MY LIFE…SINCE WHEN ARE 3 FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES IN A FUCKING VASE AN ACCEPTABLE SINGLE DESSERT ORDER..ITS NOT EVEN FROZEN GRAPE JUICE OR SOMETHING ITS LITERALLY JUST A 0.02$ GRAPE THAT WAS PUT ON A STICK THEN FROZEN…LIKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE THIS DOWN ON THE MENU THINKING “OH YEAH PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE COLD GRAPES” AND SOME OTHER ASSHAT SAID “BRAH. HEAR ME OUT, HOW ABOUT WE PUT THEM ON STICKS AND SERVE THEM IN A VASE WITH NOTHING ELSE” LIKE YOU COULDNT EVEN SERVE IT WITH A FUCKING SECOND FRUIT OR EVEN FUCKING LEAVES OR WHATEVER… IM SO MAD. FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES ON A STICK.

AND THEY WERENT EVEN SEEDLESS GRAPES…..

THAT LAST COMMENT IS WHAT DID IT. HOW DARE THEY

explodinghye:

choclety milk shakes likes his baths

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